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By Al Lewis
For the overpaid executives who've helped make the economy such a wintry hell, my yuletide gifts to you:
For Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan: two cups of coffee at Starbucks, which is worth more than the bailed-out bank's stock.
For Jim Balsillie and Michael Lazaridis, co-CEOs of Research In Motion, who misjudged BlackBerry's competition, dragged feet on improvements, made headlines with global outages and now face technological extinction: the Staples Easy Button. "That was easy!"
For ex-MF Global CEO Jon Corzine, who can't find $1.2 billion of his clients' money after his firm blew up: a handy device called the KeyRinger. Push a button and whatever you lost will flash and beep. At www.keyringer.com, it says, "the KeyRinger . . . is for everyone who . . . wants to avoid the stress and anxiety of not knowing where something is."
For Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, whose 60% price hike and other misfires lost more than half of Netlix's customers and 75% of its stock value in 2011: a Clint Eastwood video, "For a Few Dollars More."
For Freddie Mac CEO Richard Syron, accused by the Securities and Exchange Commission of lying about subprime loans on his books: a 2001 Tom Green video: "Freddie Got Fingered."
For similarly charged Fannie Mae CEO Daniel Mudd: How about a new name? His name is Mudd.
For former Illinois governor and reality-TV star Rod Blagojevich, sentenced to 14 years in prison for trying to sell President Obama's vacated U.S. Senate seat to Jesse Jackson Jr.: an appearance on the one show where his judge refused to let him appear while free on bail: "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." Produced from the exotic hoosegow of his choice.
For General Electric CEO Jeff Immelt, who heads President Obama's Council on Jobs and Competitiveness: an empty briefcase to match his empty suit.
For former Stanford Financial chairman R. Allen Stanford, accused in a Ponzi scheme that is second in scale only to Bernie Madoff's, who unsuccessfully argued he's unfit for trial after a 2010 jailhouse beating: Life Alert: "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up."
For Eastman Kodak CEO Antonio Perez, whose legacy will be a 97% decline in his company's stock since 2005: an illustrated coffee-table volume on the history of photography, from the earliest cave painters to him.
For former Galleon Group CEO Raj Rajaratnam, who received an 11-year prison sentence for insider trading: Ronco's Pocket Fisherman, great for passing inside information along the inside of a cell block.
For Rajat Gupta, the former Goldman Sachs board member facing trial on fraud and conspiracy charges for allegedly plying Mr. Rajaratnam with insider information: Monopoly, by Parker Bros., but without the "Get out of jail free" cards.
For former Countrywide Financial CEO Angelo Mozilo whose "friends" are still turning up in Congress: a pet canary, so he can finally learn to sing like one.
For former Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz, who complained in an interview after Yahoo's board fired her, "These people f-ed me over": A book she could have written herself: "The F-Word: Second Edition."
For former Hewlett-Packard CEO Leo Apotheker: nothing. He got paid more than $25 million just to wreck the place and was fired after less than 11 months on the job. He should have bought us Christmas presents.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
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Friday, December 2, 2011
Google News: Sundance will focus like a laser on the economy
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USA Today - 40 minutes ago America's struggling economy commands center stage in the lineup for the 2012 Sundance Film Festival, announced Wednesday. The 2012 Sundance Film Festival's lineup features several documentaries about the economy, ... Sundance Midnight Movies: The gross, the vile and the hilarious Entertainment Weekly Sundance Film Festival unveils its 2012 competition lineup Los Angeles Times See all 242 sources » |
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Google News: First Superman comic book sells for super price of $2.16 million
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Gant Daily - 36 minutes ago Los Angeles, CA, United States (AHN) - It cost just 10 cents when it debuted in 1938. In 2011, it fetched a record $2.16 million. Action Comics #1, the first Superman comic book, set a record Wednesday when it was sold for $2.16 million, the most ever ... |
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Google News: 'X Factor' Recap: Night of Shocking Twists Ends With Tearful Goodbye
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RollingStone.com - 8 minutes ago Judges Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell console eliminated contestant Drew Ryniewicz on 'The X Factor.' "It was an unforgettable night," says fully clothed underwear model, Steve Jones, of The X Factor's previous episode. "The X Factor": Astro, Drew dumped CBS News See all 114 sources » |
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Google News: Kris Humphries Can't Handle a Divorce to Kim Kardashian
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TMZ.com - 41 minutes ago Kris Humphries has a plan A and B to end his relationship with Kim Kardashian, but neither involves divorce. Sources directly connected to Kris tell us ... the BBaller has deep-seeded feelings -- rooted in religion -- against divorce. Kim Kardashian "Sad" Over Kris Humphries Annulment Filing The Hollywood Gossip See all 381 sources » |
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Google News: Ralph Fiennes' Directorial Debut 'Coriolanus' Shows Shakespeare's Continued ...
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PopMatters - 1 hour ago Martius (Ralph Fiennes) is a warrior. Raised as such by his fierce mother, Volumnia (Vanessa Redgrave), he stands ruthless and bloody on the battlefield, which, in this version of Coriolanus, is bleakly urban. Ralph Fiennes Braves the Bard TheaterMania.com 'Coriolanus' review: Ralph Fiennes directs Shakespeare update Los Angeles Times See all 45 sources » |
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Google News: Watch Kanye West's First 'VOYR' Episode
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Crave Online - 22 minutes ago A behind-the-scenes perspective that's utterly self-indulgent, totally over the top, and actually pretty awesome. By Johnny Firecloud Kanye West took to Twitter last night to post a link to the first installment of the VOYR platform. Kanye West Imagines World Leaders At His Funeral MTV.com (blog) See all 39 sources » |
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Google News: 'Bones' creator Hart Hanson talks Booth's emotional episode
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Entertainment Weekly - 10 hours ago If you haven't watched this week's episode of Bones, stop reading now. Spoilers ahead! Booth's grandfather Pops (guest star Ralph Waite) visited and brought with him the news that Seeley's father had died. 'Bones' Finds a Male in the Mail Gather.com See all 11 sources » |
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Google News: Carrier IQ: How to Hack Back Your Phone
All Things Digital - 1 hour ago The findings of a Connecticut-based systems administrator have sparked alarm in millions of smartphone users, after security researcher Trevor Eckhart published a video showing how a cellphone software company has the ability to log users' Web searches ... |
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Google News: Could Mars Rover Curiosity Infect Mars?
Discovery News - 16 hours ago During the run up to the launch of NASA's Mars Science Laboratory (MSL) Curiosity on Nov. 26, a step in the "planetary protection" procedure wasn't adhered to. |
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Google News: Microsoft 'Converts' iPhones, Android Devices To Windows Phone
InformationWeek - 18 hours ago Web site allows users to get the Live Tiles experience on competitive devices from Apple and Google. By Paul McDougall InformationWeek A picture may be worth a thousand words, but Microsoft is betting that an interactive demo is even more valuable. |
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Google News: Lady Gaga's New Video for 'Marry the Night' – an Enigma
People Magazine - 30 minutes ago Lady Gaga's road to fame was certainly a rough one, if the video for her new single "Marry the Night" is any indication. |
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Google News: Britney Spears turns 30 today, a milestone birthday for a star who's had ...
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Entertainment Weekly - 33 minutes ago It's a little hard to comprehend that Britney Spears is 30-years-old today, isn't it? Not just in the sense that, if Spears is getting older then that also means that the TRL-voting generation that grew up with her is as well, ... Happy 30th Birthday, Britney Spears! MTV.com (blog) See all 124 sources » |
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Google News: Adele unbeatable at the Grammys?
CNN International - 46 minutes ago (CNN) -- This week's special unveiling the top Grammy nominations was a 60-minute encapsulation of the year in music: There was Lady Gaga, of course, a Nicki Minaj sighting, a glimpse of Katy Perry and another of Bruno Mars. |
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Google News: Is Google Dated Or Are SEOs Dated
Search Engine Roundtable - 2 hours ago There is a fun thread at WebmasterWorld where one SEO claims that the Google algorithm is dated, despite being updated often, providing poor results because Google prefers older sites. |
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Google News: Source: Chris Paul still deciding move
ESPN - 11 minutes ago Chris Paul may love the idea of playing with his good friend, Carmelo Anthony, in New York, but a source familiar with Paul's thinking said the New Orleans Hornets point guard knows being dealt to the Knicks is not a realistic possibility ... |
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Google News: Bobby Valentine sounds all right notes in debut
Boston Herald - 25 minutes ago Now that Tony La Russa is retired, the ranks of the superstar, larger-than-life manager have basically thinned to zero. But there's one gigantic exception, and the Red Sox [team stats] yesterday introduced him as their ... |
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Google News: Rory McIlroy keeps share of lead at Hong Kong Open
USA Today - 1 hour ago HONG KONG (AP) - Rory McIlroy of Northern Ireland retained a share of the lead at the Hong Kong Open on Friday after shooting a 1-under 69 in the second round. |
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Google News: Newfound alien planet is hot enough to melt iron
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Google News: RIM to Take $485 Million Charge Related to Tablet
Wall Street Journal - 24 minutes ago TORONTO—Research in Motion Ltd. said it would take a $485 million, mostly noncash charge in its fiscal third quarter, after marking down the value of its large inventory of PlayBook tablets. |
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Google News: First Look: 2013 Scion FR-S
MotorTrend Magazine - 6 hours ago Back across the Pacific in Hollywood, the Scion version also got its chance to shine, with the official introduction of the 2013 Scion FR-S. In case you didn't already know, FR-S stands for Front-engine, Rear-wheel-drive Sport, and next spring's launch ... |
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Google News: Jack Hollis Speech For 2013 Scion FR-S Debut
Sciclonic - 21 hours ago All of us at Scion… have been looking forward to this night for a long time, and we're really excited that you can be a part of it. |
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Google News: Hands On With the LG Nitro HD
PC Magazine - 3 hours ago AT&T announced the LG Nitro HD , the latest phone to tap into the carrier's emerging 4G LTE network, earlier this week. LG Mobile and AT&T Debut Nation's First 4.5-inch True HD AH-IPS Mobile Display ... MarketWatch (press release) See all 92 sources » |
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Google News: Aung San Suu Kyi and Hillary Clinton establish strong bond
Christian Science Monitor - 35 minutes ago Aung San Suu Kyi said Friday that she hoped Hilary Clinton's visit to Myanmar (Burma) would help put her country on the road to democracy. |
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Google News: Davis Cup Final: Rafael Nadal beats Juan Monaco
Daily Mail - 11 minutes ago Nadal crashed out of the ATP World Tour finals in London in the group stages last week, but looked much more at home on his favourite red clay. |
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Google News: Newt Gingrich stomps Mitt Romney in Florida poll
Christian Science Monitor - 1 hour ago Newt Gingrich is ahead of Mitt Romney by a wide margin in Florida, a key GOP primary state. Will the surge last? By David Grant, DCDecoder / December 2, 2011 Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich speaking in West Des Moines, Iowa, on Dec. 1. |
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Google News: Carrier IQ Denies Capturing Keystrokes as Senator Widens Probe
PC Magazine - 8 minutes ago Carrier IQ reiterated on Friday that it does not collect the content of users' messages or conversations, while Sen. Al Franken expanded his inquiry of the issue to include the wireless carriers. |
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Google News: Unemployment Slips to 8.6% as Private Sector Adds Jobs
Wall Street Journal - 1 hour ago WASHINGTON—The US labor market strengthened in November as private employers continued to add jobs at a healthy pace, while the unemployment rate fell to its lowest level since March 2009. |
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